


Thoughts of a Flutterby

by Alithea



Category: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-30
Updated: 2010-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-06 20:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alithea/pseuds/Alithea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The morning after and things pull into focus for the butterfly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thoughts of a Flutterby

The shades were all drawn, leaving the room dark except for a few muted pin pricks of morning light that would filter in to disturb the shadows. All was still, but for the low and nearly silent sound of slumber, and the occasional rustle of the sheets from the slow movement that was the reaction to dreams. Shiori sat motionless at the edge of the bed, her breathing steady, her eyes half shut, veiling and darkening the color of them. Part of a sheet was precariously draped about her otherwise naked body, and her hair (the color of her eyes, darkened by the shadows of the room) was a wild mess, falling about her face at awkward angles.

Her mind was lost in a flurry of thought as she sat there in the dark. She wanted to look back over the form of the other woman in the bed but, she could not. She shifted just a bit, crossing her legs and brushing her hair from her face, holding it back for a second before letting it go to fall back into place. Her gaze shifted across the whole of the room, the simplicity of it, and of course the marked grace that accompanied that simplicity.

In a way she was unsure what she wanted to do. In a way she wished that for once she could find certainty in her actions, because she never seemed to be able to really decide or keep pace. Her thoughts moved all over the place carried by the wind from one point to another, and when at last they settled something would always occur to make them rise up again...shift...move...flutter along.

After a long while of thinking her violet gaze pulled into focus and she turned her head to consider the woman in bed with her. She thought of all of the things she had ever done that made her feel utterly miserable. The things she did to harm that always ended up turning in on her self as well, and now...Now there was this. This morning after, this waking after a long night of too much... There was just too much of everything.

It bothered her that she was not regretful like she normally was. She was scared by how intensely pleasurable the night had been, that she did not feel ill or conflicted. No, perhaps that wasn't right. She was conflicted, but it wasn't the same as before. Before the conflict would have been easy to shuffle through and regret. She could find a way to really hate herself if it had been the same as before. But she supposed she did not succumb to the lust, and to the night for the same reasons. It was not something she was doing out of spite. It was not something she was doing because she felt that that was what she should be doing, wanting.

Her eyes shut briefly and she turned away to look at anything else but the woman behind her.

What had started as something so simple seemed unable to repress itself passed the mere show of regret. And she had meant it, this time. She had really meant every word she said. It cut at her to bring herself to that point of apology, and she let her temper go a few times as well when she felt like she was being stifled. She pushed back and... It was okay. It was okay for her to voice her feelings, truthfully, honestly, for once, for one great moment. It was hard for her to do. She was so brilliant at lying sometimes, lying to herself, to others, mostly herself.

As her thoughts cluttered in around her the woman who had been asleep began to stir. Shiori couldn't make herself turn around. She just stayed where she was, staring off into space as the bed began to move slightly. Arms, warm and welcoming, wrapping up around her and she leaned back with her head tilted to the side, leaving her neck exposed. Unable to keep her eyes open when lips graced a trail along in a line, until deciding to depart for a moment, and then touch down again to travel the path once more.

"What are you thinking?" The voice was a soft tickle at her ear.

Shiori turned just enough to look at the woman and lost in the color of hazel eyes darkened by the shadows of the room she replied, "I'm thinking too much." And then she grimaced before finding a smile. "Maybe you can help to rectify that problem."

"I am sure, something can be done."

And then Shiori's thoughts fluttered away as gentle lips, and softer caresses pulled her away from pondering.

Would this last?

Could it go beyond such easy things?

Did it have to become clouded by other things?

She wanted to worry about that. She wanted to think she would end up regretting what she had done, what she was allowing herself to do. She feared it. She dreaded the moment when everything would turn around and she would lose herself to a lie, and ruin what she really wanted, what she'd really always wanted, this moment that she had tried for so long to deny herself. But worry and regret, fear, they could not hold up in her thoughts under such lovely kisses. The feeling that wrapped around her that was greater than the rest.

Here was a thought that did not flutter away.

End.


End file.
